Social Rejection
I have included a painting I found in Wikimedia Commons (commons.wikimedia.org). It is from the 19th century, It is Sita Bhum Pravesh. "After being rejected by her husband Rama for a second time, Sita is taken into the earth by her mother, the godess Bhumi. Rama, his brother Lakhsman, his two sons, and two sages look on in shock".

Social rejection is universal. It happens to everyone at some time or another.  Have you ever been rejected? If you are like EVERY OTHER MATURE HUMAN INHABITANT in this world, then you have experienced some rejection, and your answer will be “YES!!!”

Was this a public rejection in front of millions of people like that experienced by Melissa Butler on the entrepreneurial reality show, Shark Tank, as described in Christina M. Tapper’s article, “5 Tips for Recovering from Rejection”?

This is a painting created in 1618 by Velazquez. Here we see a young girl seated in front of what might be her mother. She doesn’t appear to be happy…maybe even a bit resentful. She could be in Italy, Spain, Germany, or in almost any other European country of that time.

It was common, actually usual, for marriages to be arranged by her family mostly for financial, or prestige reasons, and she had little to say about it. Whomever was chosen to be her mate for life, which was not long at that time, was often a man 15 to 20 years older. Love was not a factor, and she got what she got with little consideration for HER personal feelings…thus her probable resentment.​

How about something not so public, such as a job rejection after the interview, or what you thought was a good idea you presented to your boss, and the other supervisors during a manager's meeting?

Or was this a private, very emotional rejection from someone who mattered dearly to you?  And now, you are alone. This one really hurts.

How do you recover from the hurt, humiliation, anguish, and pain? How do you bounce back, re-invent yourself, and restore your self-confidence,  and even a bit of your ego?

Well, read on…we have some very interesting points of view addressing the questions above.

These articles that follow below can provide you with effective direction, and some good advice.  So, pour yourself a cup of coffee, pull yourself together, sit down, and read the articles. 

After looking at the ideas presented, put those points to use that relate to your situation so that you can "own the moment". 

And then... let us move on positively, and creatively with our lives. Let’s try for it.

Resentment...how it happens, what it does to you, and to those you care about

Eye Contact

A number of years ago, a young man came into my office for an interview with me. I had never seen him before...nor since.​ He was an attractive fellow, and well groomed. 

However, as our eyes met for the first time, I rapidly noticed he didn't divert his eyes within an appropriate moment. Rather, he continued his steady, unflinching gaze. 

Somewhat taken aback by his stare, my eyes remained steadily focused on his too... an even, steady gaze, directly into his eyes.

Here he was, in my office, making a deliberate attempt at a subconscious or conscious exhibition of power over, or dominance of me in this meeting.

Even though I saw this as an obvious aggressive action on his part, our conversation remained at ease, yet his eyes didn't waver...nor did mine.  I noticed he smiled with his mouth, but not with his eyes. I never before encountered such an intense eye stare as his. Yet, intrigued, I continued to play his game.

I listened to him, and responded appropriately to his questions, and he to mine...our eyes  locked...until he realized, after about three minutes, mine would not move from his. At that moment, he slammed his hand on my desk, got up, turned, and walked out. And, that was it.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., an author and international speaker for conferences, business organizations and government agencies, states in her article below that, "Too much eye contact [when in the other person's domain] is instinctively felt to be rude, hostile and condescending;  and in a business context, it may also be perceived as a deliberate intent to dominate, intimidate, belittle, or make “the other” feel at a disadvantage."

Did he try to dominate me? That, of course, is for you to judge. Did I try to dominate him? In my mind, I wanted to keep our interaction on an equal level. Yet, again, you must judge that too.

Well, read on below. We have some very interesting points of view addressing the questions above. Let’s try for it.

Honesty and Deception at Work
Are there times when honesty is NOT the best policy? Does deceit have its merits too? Can lying ever be ethical? Can you trust a liar? How do you spot deception, and know when you are being lied to? Is the person speaking to you trying to gain some advantage at your expense? Without reading further, how would you answer these questions?

Well, read on below. We have some very interesting points of view addressing the very questions asked above.Let’s try for it.

ABRASIVE PERSONALITIES

How do you deal with a seemingly aggressive person who apparently has no filter when it comes to what they have to say, nor on how they say it? How should you respond so that the interaction ends positively, and with good results, instead of in a heated mutual disaster?

By the way, my wife appears to be very interested in what I’m writing at this moment…we are both first born. Actually, she is a no-nonsense straight-shooter who has been a great advantage to me over the years because of her sharp insights when I’ve asked for her opinion…well, sometimes I haven’t asked, but I still got her opinion.

In any event, her tenacity, and communication style, while at times irritating, has saved me from some embarrassing, and costly situations, as well as solving big problems had I not listened to her. I focused on results she promoted, and, while still good, less on her presentation.  

Slick warranty contracts, and the lesson learned.

Last Saturday, at a well-known car dealership, A gentleman, and his wife I know bought a used 2015 SUV with about 6,800 miles on it…a very nice looking, and running car that is almost new. Having had a previous SUV, this gentleman traded it in after its odometer turned over 150,000 miles this last week, and is  pleased with this “new” car.

However, the salesperson they negotiated with advised them to add to the purchase contract a $1,559.00 warranty that would cover if needed repairs to the complex electronics now current in the car being purchased. He, and his wife demurred. However, this salesperson was an excellent promoter for this warranty product, and assured them they had until Wednesday, August 12th to cancel the addition of the warranty to the contract if they should decide against it. He added they only had the day of the sale to opt for it. So, they did.

To make a long story short, they carefully thought over this pricey addition to the contract they signed on Saturday.

They went back to dealership yesterday (Monday, August 10th) and stated they wanted to cancel the warranty addition to the contract.

Lo, and behold, they were told the warranty portion would be cancelled as requested. However, the additional $25.98 per month added to the car payment contract for the warranty addition would remain, and the $1,559.00 would be deducted AT THE END of this contract in August 2020.

Niiice! The lender gets to use the additional $1,559.00 for five years for free, and at Their expense. Lesson learned.

Sooo, they obtained new financing from another lender today (Tuesday, August 11th) in their hometown, at an interest rate half a percentage rate lower! They then returned to the dealership with a full payment check from the new financing to hold the dealership to its promise to cancel its car contract at no penalty to them.

Result: Their monthly payments were significantly reduced, and the $1,559.00 was immediately deducted. This is the reward of their tryforit.

Can’t find full-time work? Surviving on part-time jobs? Why not start a freelance career?    

What does it take to become self-employed? How do you start? You might be, or are, starting from zero. How do you pay your bills? Also, how do you build connections, and prospects?

As I read this week's Sizzling Topic to my wife for her review, and her opinion, she reminded me that, even in retirement, I also was involved in freelancing when I worked for myself as a Notary Public. However, all of my Notary work was done for free to help family, and friends. I also wrote resumes in the evening, aside from my day job, for clients back in the 1980's.  I was paid well for that, and actually had to decline work because too much came in.

Well, that’s why we are here. In the coming days, and weeks, we will explore the best practices, and learn from others who have climbed the same mountain, experienced the same challenges, and figured out how to make a career out of freelancing.

If you are a very independent person, talented in a particular skill, interested in looking for your own projects, a self-starter, enjoy meeting, and talking to people, and know the value of good networking, then freelancing may be for you.

One more thing, you must be willing to work on your business, and not just in your business.

Read on as we explore ways over the coming weeks to improve, and succeed as we try for it.

Body Language

How do you tell if someone is telling the truth while he or she is standing or sitting across from you? What is that person’s body language communicating to you?

Nonverbal cues, such as the firmness of the initial handshake, how long eye contact is held, facial expressions, certain behaviors, such as the tone of voice, movements of the hands, position of the arms, and other gestures, reveal the personality as to who that person is, and impact how we in turn relate to them.

Do you have the skill to accurately “read” what is being said?  If you do understand body language, then you will have a great advantage in your daily interpersonal communications.

How about the other side? What does YOUR body language say to others? Is your body language communicating to your best advantage? Do you suffer from social anxiety? Do you feel awkward on first meetings? Are you open and confident?

Read on as we explore ways over the coming weeks to improve, and succeed as we try for it.

LIFE'S STRUGGLES 
A man found a cocoon of an emperor moth. He took it home so that he could watch the moth come out of the cocoon. On the day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the moth for several hours as the moth struggled to force the body through that little hole.

The moth seemed to be stuck and appeared to have stopped making progress. It seemed as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. The man, in his kindness, decided to help the moth; so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The moth then emerged easily. But its body was swollen and small, its wings wrinkled and shriveled.

The man continued to watch the moth because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to and able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the little moth spent the rest of its life crawling around with a small, swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

The man in his kindness and haste did not understand that the struggle required for the moth to get through the tiny opening was necessary to force fluid from the body of the moth into its wings so that it would be ready for flight upon achieving its freedom from the cocoon. Freedom and flight would only come after the struggle. By depriving the moth of a struggle, he deprived the moth of health.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets, and don't forget the power in the struggle.

--- Author Unknown  This story was found on: motivateus.com

Complacency

The workplace, it is changing dramatically in this 21st Century. Along with workplace changes, the Internet, computerization, the introduction of artificial intelligence, and wholesale automation, are the jobs, and careers tending to engender uncertainty, frustration, and disengage us from our work. Long term job stability is becoming rarer. Job security is no longer guaranteed.

More than ever before, even though you are expected to do more with less, you have to actively manage your career to achieve your hoped for goals. 

This is difficult! It is hard! And, the thought of this can be exhausting! So, what is happening? Ask yourself, "Have I become complacent about my future?  "Have I lost my motivation to compete?  In the coming weeks we will have several articles on the various types of complacency at work, including safety issues that may occur.

The Problem Co-Worker

In almost every job where there are co-workers, there will be times when we have to work with a rude, arrogant, troublesome, unprofessional, or incompetent co-worker. When we experience this reality, what are we to do when we are faced with this stress and aggravation?

What if this person is the boss??? Included in this week’s strategies for success is an excellent article: Work it Out: Getting Along with Co-Workers by Sonia Collins addressing this very problem.

This issue is also tackled by Travis Bradberry's fine article: Toxic Boss? How Successful People Overcome Them. A reference to this article can be found below toward the middle of this page.

References to these articles, and all others included for your review on this website, are being indexed for your use as needed. This index is growing rapidly, and, barring unforeseen difficulties, will continue to grow as long as this website exists. All you need do is select the  "Subject and Previous Articles Index" button at the top of each page.    Vic Coelho

Early Retirement

​My guess is most of us dream of retiring early. We want   to be free...free to do what??? Well, we could start our day by sleeping late, if that's  what we want to do. But, is  THAT what  we  want???

For me, retirement frees me to exercise my creativity. I love to seek out information, learn knew things, share, and write. Hence this website.  However, early retirement can be a curse on a national level.

Look at what is happening in Greece, and the European Union. Greece can't pay its debts, in part, because of all the pensions devoted to early retirement...workers there can retire at 57 years of age, and receive a full retirement. In Turkey, you can retire at 45, and still generate babies! Yeow! With all the freebees being given out, is the United States headed in the same direction? After all the U.S. debt has risen to astronomical levels in the last six years.

Well, in the coming days I will be including some references to articles that show the good, and bad sides to early retirement on the personal, and national levels.    Vic Coelho

Sizzling Topics