Try For It! By Vic Coelho

A Helpful Guide to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

"I’ve struggled with it most of my life. Typically, I blame it on having a twin brother who is five inches taller with much broader shoulders. But if I was being truly honest, more likely, it is simply a character flaw hidden somewhere deep in my heart.

I’ve lived most of my life comparing myself to others. At first, it was school and sports. But as I got older, I began comparing other metrics: job title, income level, house size, and worldly successes.

I have discovered there is an infinite number of categories upon which we can compare ourselves and an almost infinite number of people to compare ourselves to. Once we begin down that road, we never find an end.

The tendency to compare ourselves to others is as human as any other emotion. Certainly I’m not alone in my experience. But it is a decision that only steals joy from our lives. And it is a habit with numerous shortcomings:..."    becomingminimalist.com

The picture above is a portion from the Hungarian blog: OurFashion  depicting the fashion in 17th Century France influenced by the spread of "Spanish Fever disease" (vanity). The  17th Century artist  is unidentified.

* * *

The Comparison Trap
"Everything’s humming along fine in your life, when suddenly you land on the website of a peer, and a note on the home page informs you that they’ve just won a prestigious award and landed a book deal.

Or you’re on Facebook, in a pretty good mood, until your glance lands on a status update from a high school acquaintance, crowing about how well their latest Oprah interview went.

Or you meet someone at a party and discover they started a business in the same niche as you, a few years after you did. You’re ready to start dispensing some helpful wisdom, until you discover that their business growth has been exponential–a hockey stick, compared to your slow upward curve.

It makes your stomach clench, that discouraging feeling that everyone else is blasting forward, while you’re falling behind in the race of life.

I call this the Comparison Trap, and sometimes I feel like I step into it daily. (Sometimes several times a day!)

The thing is,..."    Lifehack

Melissa Dinwiddie

Melissa Dinwiddie is an artist, writer, and creativity instigator, on a mission to empower people to feed their creative hungers.    lifehack.org 

Our purpose here is to research what creates success in meeting life's many challenges.  Hopefully, you find within this site promising Internet resources that may meet your personal goals.  Because we are thankful for what we have, we ask for nothing more in return.

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others And Focus On You -- Here's How

​"When I met with a mentee recently, she looked sad and a bit depressed. When I asked her if anything was wrong, her shoulders sagged lower, and she said was feeling like a failure in her career and her life.

I was surprised by her comment because the last time we had spoken (a few months prior), she had been excited to share with me that she had received a pay raise, been given a leadership role on a new project in her department and had even been recognized and praised by her boss for her outstanding work.

What had changed? Turns out, she had been reading a lot of social media posts by her friends. One had just been promoted to a management role and was now leading a team of people for the first time. Another had posted pictures of her first international business trip to Europe. One friend had just purchased her first house. Another had bought an expensive, new sports car. Two others had announced their engagements and one friend had gotten married and posted the pictures.

“I feel like such a loser,” she said, slouching lower in the chair. “Everyone else is doing amazing things with their lives. I want to be happy for them, really, I do. But it just makes me crazy when I realize how far behind I am.”

When I asked her what she meant about being so “far behind” her friends, here’s what she said: “I’m 28 years old and I still don’t have a management job. I haven’t traveled anywhere on business. I don’t earn enough to buy a house or condo, or even a different car. And I don’t even have time for a boyfriend right now, but it seems like all my friends are either getting engaged or married. This really sucks.”

Then she shook her head and rolled her eyes. “And if that isn’t bad enough, my high school reunion is this summer. Everyone’s going to be comparing their accomplishments and bragging about their jobs. Then I’ll really feel like a loser.”

My heart went out to her, because I remembered similar situations early on in my career, when I had done the same thing – compared myself to others. The difference was that, back then, we didn’t have social media. So I wasn’t bombarded with the accomplishments of my friends, like many people are who spend time on their social media accounts on a daily basis.

With age comes perspective (and hopefully wisdom), so I shared with my mentee some of the things I’ve learned, as I’ve grown older..."​​    Forbes

Joshua Becker

​"...is the founder and editor of Becoming Minimalist, a website that inspires millions around the world to own fewer possessions and find greater fulfillment in life. As one of the leading voices in the modern simplicity movement, Joshua speaks both nationwide and internationally. He has contributed to articles in Time magazine, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and Christianity Today. He is a frequent guest on HuffPost Live and has appeared on numerous television programs, including the CBS Evening News. He and his young family live in Peoria, Arizona…"

Sizzling Topic: Forgiveness

In this painting by Rembrandt (a self-portrait made in 1640) we see the prodigal son looking at us. Spending beyond his means, having "lived in sin" with Hendrickje Stoffles, his lover, loss of respect from his peers, and ultimately dying in abject poverty--his only possession a Bible.

His later paintings reflected the theme of Biblical persons seeking God's forgiveness for wrongs committed. Were these paintings an expression of his own inner struggle?

How about our exercising forgiveness for the wrongs that may have happened to us?  What are the good, and bad effects? Should we forgive?

Does forgiveness decrease the negative memories of the past, and reduce our desire for vengeance? 

The articles presented below are intended to address the above questions and provide insight to us when making the decision whether or not to forgive. ​

In the picture of the two Renaissance men involved in conversation on our right​​​​, they are probably involved in a friendly discussion of the events occurring that day and are treating each other with due respect.

​However, ​hidden in the subconscious are strong elements in both men, and actually in all of us, where we compare ourselves to the other person, or group of persons we may be with. This is built into our nature. And, we automatically do this to determine who we are, where we are in our social life, how well we are doing, and  the status we think we have within our group based upon what we perceive from our observations.

What we're really doing is activating our defense system by measuring our own value levels: "How am I doing? Am I measuring up? What is my status? Am I acceptable?" These value levels are set within our minds based upon what we think everyone who we interact with has achieved.

​The end result is a no-win situation we place ourselves in...and it can be an emotional comparison trap that gives us nothing to gain. It can lead us to a loss in dignity, a loss in pride in ourselves, a loss in passion and a loss in drive to achieve. We are led the wrong direction!

It could ​​lead us to our social withdrawal if we see ourselves as beneath their abilities, talents, or social gifts, and even to resentment and hate for those we see as different in their personal, economic, political or religious views.

How do we make positive, healthy comparisons for ourselves? Read on! Let's "Try For It" and see the articles below.   Vic Coelho

Painting by Rembrandt van Rijn :

Prodigal Son–Awaiting Forgiveness  

http://schoolworkhelper.net

Lisa Quast

"I’m a career coach, business consultant/organizational trainer and former Fortune 500 executive. Now that I've “been there, done that” with more than 20 years of experience climbing the corporate ladder, I'm sharing the career advice you need to excel and standout in your profession as a leader. I'm the author of "Secrets of a Hiring Manager Turned Career Coach: A Foolproof Guide to Getting the Job You Want. Every Time" and “Your Career, Your Way,” and I'm blogging for Forbes and The Seattle Times."    Forbes

This website is dedicated to YOUR success.  Its purpose is to bring you news, information, and anything else that relates to a better life, and provides good suggestions for success. Success in what? That is for you to answer! We want you to achieve what you may want in this one life we each are privileged to have. This website is the result of research which may lead to your definition of success, and happiness. Then, once achieved,  we can give something  positive, and good, back  to this wonderful world.   ​

If you wish to see related articles to the ones above, or in other areas, please select the "Subject", "Source", or "Author" button above. Over time, I intend these pages to fill from articles previously on the home page, and become an information resource. As an example, let's say you want to dig deeper into the subject of "Attitude", you could select the "Subject" button, and it would carry you to the "Attitude!" page, and you find all the articles referring to "Attitude" that appear currently, or in the past on the home page. Similarly, a selection of the "Author" button will take you to a list of authors for the above articles. A further selection within that list will take you to the selected author's page with all the articles included on this Website by that author. Lastly, the same is true for the article's "Source" if that button is selected.

I hope you found something helpful here today, something that encouraged you to go and try for it. 

If it made you feel a little better, and added insight into important issues affecting you, or helped you be a little wiser, or made you a little kinder, then please share this Website so others can also be helped.   Please refer them  to : tryforit.com               

You can contact me at: victor@tryforit.com                     

How to Start Over: The Comparison Trap

Leo Babauta

"I’m in Davis, California, focusing on these things:
Being a husband & dad — reading & working out with my kids, dates with my wife
Creating “Building Self-Discipline” video course for my Sea Change Program
Creating a free video training program: the 44 Training Program: Turning Uncertainty & Discomfort into Mindful Openness
Working on my mission..."    ZenHabits

“Comparison is the death of joy.”― Mark Twain    goodreads.com

Wikipedia

"A majority of people in society base their moods and feelings on how well they are doing compared to other people in their environment. Social comparison bias happens in everyday society regularly.

Social comparison bias can be defined as having feelings of dislike and competitiveness with someone that is seen as physically or mentally better than yourself. This can be compared to social comparison, which is believed to be central to achievement motivation, feelings of injustice, depression, jealousy and people's willingness to remain in relationships or jobs. 

People often compete to get the best grades, the best jobs and the best houses. In many situations, social comparison bias is fairly self-explanatory. For example, you might make a comparison if you shop at low-end department stores and a peer shops at the designer stores, and you are overcome with feelings of resentment, anger and envy with that peer.

This social comparison bias involves wealth and social status. Some of us make social comparisons, but are largely unaware of them. In most cases, we try to compare ourselves to those in our peer group or with whom we are similar...

Social comparison bias can occur in people's everyday life. Whether it is on social networking sites, in the media, in society regarding wealth and social status or in the school system. It can be negative to one's mental health due to the increasing risks of depression, suicide ideation and other mental disorders.

 Social comparison in this generation is everywhere and society revolves around comparing ourselves to each other if it is to have a higher self-esteem or to try and better themselves as a whole.

With social comparison being so important, it will lead to social comparison bias and cause negative effects in a person's life. With the research found, the hypothesis was proven correct stating that depression does have a relationship with the social comparison that people in society participate in..."

Life’s Enough: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

"If you took the strengths of others, and compared them to your weaknesses, how do you think you’d size up? And do you think this would make you feel good?

The funny thing is, this is what most of us do at one time or another — and some of us do pretty often.

It’s a sure-fire recipe for a drop in self-confidence and for unhappiness. It’s also not that useful.

Let’s say I take a look at someone who creates amazing artwork and really top-notch podcasts on their website … and I look at my art and video skills, and realize that I don’t come close to measuring up. In fact, I look pretty pitiful (I’m a lousy drawer and don’t know anything about video).

But wait a minute: it’s not a fair comparison. Just because I..."    zenhabits.net

Travis Bradberry
Toxic Boss? How Successful People Overcome Them

"In an era when CEOs sport jeans and hoodies, it’s hard to know how to dress for your job. Real Simple asked profes-sionals in a range of industries to reveal what they think about your 9-to-5 style—and what it means for your climb up the ladder..."

Sarah Stebbins
How to Dress for Success

If you believe success is simply making (or having) a lot of money, you may be setting yourself up for failure.

"I'm often amazed at how many people define success as making (or having) a lot of money..."

Geoffrey James
What Is Success? Here's a Better Definition

"When applying for a job a cover letter should be sent or posted with your resume. These examples will give you ideas for writing your own cover letters for job applications..."

Alison Doyle
Cover Letter Samples

"The best things in life may be free, but that doesn't mean they won't take time, sweat, and perseverance to ac-quire. That's especially the case when it comes to learning important life skills. In an effort to ascertain which talents are worth the investment, one Quora reader posed the question: What are the hardest and most useful skills to learn? We've highlighted our favorite takeaways...."

Rachel Gillett
10 Skills That Are Hard to Learn But Pay Off Forever

"Is gratitude deficit rising in the work-place? When was the last time you sent an employee, colleague or customer a sincere thank-you note or a person-alized gift to show your genuine appre-ciation for what they do? If it has been so long you cannot remember, you may not be alone..."

Murali Doraiswamy
Why Thanking Employees Can Make for a Better Leader   

"Conscience-The awareness of a moral or ethical aspect to one's conduct to-gether with the urge to prefer right over wrong..."

Eri Tsuzugina​   
What are the different types of conscience?

"One of the biggest problems faced in the midst of completing day to day tasks on the job is complacency. Em-ployees become accustomed to doing things in a certain way or tasks flowing a certain way and grow oblivious to the hazards that may be ever present around them.  This type of state of mind can affect many things including pro-ductivity, quality and safety..."

Mindy Graham   
Combating Safety Complacency In The Workplace

"People make snap judgments on trust-worthiness based on facial muscles. But when it comes to competence, they look at a face's skeletal structure.This means there is not much you can do to change someones mind on your ability based on your appearance, according to the study..."​

Ellie Zolfagharifard
Smile! Appearing happy can make you look more trustworthy - and a wider face can make you seem competent

"For the avid coffee drinker bound to a monotonous desk job, there is a mo-ment – perhaps two thirds of the way through a cup – when the unbearably tedious task at hand starts to look do-able. Interesting, even. Suddenly, data entry is not something that merely pays the rent, it’s something you’re into. A caffeine-triggered surge of adrenaline and dopamine works to enhance your motivation, and the meaninglessness of it all fades as you are absorbed into your computer screen.

At least until the effect wears off. Then it’s time for another caffeine hit. Except, several thousand of those hits later, you find yourself middle-aged and strug-gling with a sense that you haven’t quite spent your life as you would have liked..."

Hazem Zohny
The Problem with Artificial Willpower 

Type your paragraph here.